Some thoughts.

A long span of time has passed since my last entry. School, a social life, and sleep will eat up time like you would not believe. Classes have ended for the fall semester of 2011.

Things have changed. I do not find myself obsessing over the future as I used to. There is no way, within our means, to alter the space-time continuum to suit our needs. We already know that we cannot change the past. In the same way, the future is going to happen, with or without us. It will become the present. Death sits calmly at the end of our roads, giving no hint or inkling as to what will become of us next. Accept this: there is no way to scientifically prove or disprove the existence of an afterlife or the existence of a being that lives in a theological realm such as heaven or hell.

So, where do you go from here?

I had written out an entire paragraph here about the pros and cons of Theism versus Atheism, but I decided that both of these ideas are fueled by intolerance and hatred for the opposing party. By looking at factual evidence and following the logic of the scientific method, which helps us understand our existence, I have come to a conclusion about God. Because there is no possible way to scientifically prove or disprove the existence of a supreme being, I have to declare myself as an agnostic.

Is there a societal benefit to being an agnostic? I think there is. Arguing about the validity of religious texts and arguing over the lack of universality in world religion over the course of history are both inane discussions that lead me to believe that we have been chattering amongst ourselves for thousands of years trying to accomplish the same thing: benevolence in the course of human survival.

Who cares if benevolence was originally thought of by Proteus, Krishna, Yahweh, Buddha, or man himself? Time travel is impossible, so it is pointless to argue over who said what first. The point is that there is an over-arching, unspoken idea from most major religions and from the non-religious community that says benevolence is a trait humans should strive for. Love and compassion are generally thought of as positive things – most people want love and compassion to be emotions shared by everyone.

Unfortunately, the tale of humanity is not so carefree. We tend to forget that while we do have skills that grant us greater control and knowledge of the universe, we are still animals. We are organisms. We are just complex sacks of cells that have evolved from other organisms. We have genes that make us who we are. We have biological instincts (the four F’s of psychology: feeding, fighting, fleeing, and mating) that are innate to us.

Though I am not a professional psychologist, it seems apparent to me that there are flaws in our biological wiring that prevent us from achieving benevolent goals such as obliterating socioeconomic disparity. Some would say that these flaws are “sin”, a term coined in ancient times before ‘socioeconomic’ was even a word. Greed, lust, coveting, murder, disrespect, you name it: most “sins” are simply animalistic traits that are used in competition with other animals, whether that be over a mate, food, or territory.

Call it what you want – sin or impulse – but a benevolent society is hard to come by without having multiple varieties and interpretations of benevolence. As an agnostic, I’m willing to learn about many religions and how they interpret the pursuit of contentment and benevolence in communities. I am not going to commit to any of them (or none of them, in the case of atheism), nor am I going to assume that one is better than another just because of arbitrary belief or faith (agnosticism doesn’t count due to the nature of its open-minded approach, in my somewhat humble opinion).

There is no perfect system of law or moral code, nor is there is a ‘true’ religion (once again, atheism included). People are going to claim that their religion is ‘the only one’ or the best. How can anyone be so sure without proof? Without hard evidence, or reproducible evidence, every religion is just another means by which humanity tries to distance itself from the rest of the animal kingdom and the impulses it never truly left behind. While the theists and atheists of this world want to spend their lifetimes fighting over who is right and who is wrong, I want to spend my life loving people.

Despite the fact you can’t prove or disprove the existence of God, you should enjoy this life for what it is. You should experience the entire range of human emotion with other people.

I want to live. I want to love. Most of all, I want to be loved. Tangibly.

I don’t want to be alone forever. Of this, I am certain.

EDIT: Here's where I stand right now: http://i.imgur.com/Nnn4E.jpg